Tongue Tied

location: home

mood: contemplative

This will definitely be my last entry on this livejournal.

apparently someone anonymous gave my school counselor a link to this livvejournal.
i have no clue who would do that.
and i know whoever did it probably cares about me
but if they did care, i question their logic.
they could of emailed my dad or told someone else. but a school counselor???
do you know how much that will affect my school life? one thing that may decide my future is now so limited due to the fact that now the school knows.
i talked to a counselor AND a social worker about it and they read me my own livejournal entries.
now how embarrassing is that?

out of all people, why would you send it to a school counselor?
i already have a billion people who tell me that they can help me. and yes i talk to them. i have a therapist. i have help.
i don't need anymore. that just adds on to my frustration and tension. it adds onto my burden of having to deal with so many people who want me to talk to them and it gets so tiring that i have to talk to different people everyday about my life. and it doesn't take my mind off of my depression at all. it doesn't help at all to have to talk about it constantly.
it just reminds me even more of how much shit i'm in.

anyway i am no longer going to post under this livejournal.
today was actually a pretty fine day with the huge exception of hearing that someone had given the school counselor this link.

well so long.
you will no longer have to deal with my rants.
i applaud whoever it was that helped end the one way i could let my feelings go and make me feel better everyday.
writing this made me feel better every time i was down. this journal... was my release.
but now i don't even have this simple pleasure of keeping things to my closest friends and myself.

so i applaud you. congratulations on your acheivement. i hope this makes you feel better.
this was one of the main things that ever let me keep my emotions unbottled. now i will have to find another way. 

but alas. what did i expect anyway? there will alwyas be betrayals and pain and suffering. if not me, someone else.
i hope you all enjoy your lives peacefully and wonderfully.

remember that the greatest teacher out there is experience. 
and the only reason i am where i am today is because of my radical and extremely divergent point of view and ideas. that is all.
you all are just so bound and limited in your thinking of what is right and wrong.
bound to your morals and good and bad. christianity for example. 
this society frowns upon things like cannibalism and anarchy and lust and sex and euthanisia and death.
but the truth is, these things seem so utterly horrible to you because of the years and years of teachings along those lines. 
why are humans to decide what is right or wrong?
we are only beings placed on this earth. how do we know what really is good/bad or right/wrong or normal/strange??
i don't believe that humans have the right to judge others opinions no matter how different.
someone believing that death is freedom is like someone who eats cow tongue for dinner.
in many societies its looked down upon, but only because we humans were born to think that and everything revolves around those teachings. as a result, we are so deperately limited to what and how we think. if we think differently, it seems to be considered a disease. if we see things differently, say different things, eat differently, or act differently, our future would be in a mental hospital for the so-called "insane"

i exorbitantly oppose these limits and bindings in society's brains. 
THINK WHAT YOU WANT.
BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU BELIEVE
and TRUST YOURSELF in the fact that you may be the only one right among the whole human population.
STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
     EVEN IF YOUR STANDING ALONE.

no matter what anyone says, i will always believe what i believe and if that seems like "depression" or "insanity" or "schizophrenia" to you, i am terribly sorry that you limit your brain to be so close-minded and judgemental.

thank you for your time
live life to the happiest.
live life how YOU want to. even if you don't want to live it at all.
if that's what you want, then let that be your choice.

freedom all the way.

christine